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richcmather

News International

By Richard Mather


Five men accused of Prince Philip’s assassination have gone on trial, according to initial estimates. The Duke was travelling to the Iranian embassy in Pakistan when a stolen CIA missile plunged into his aircraft. A Basque separatist group told the chief judge in Lahore that the high-profile slaying should be attributed to left-wing elements in Washington DC. This is disputed by President Obama who says he was in Palma with Hillary Clinton at the time of the killing. Mrs Obama is not available for comment. Also in the news is the true story of how a blind Taliban official sailed to Cuba in a makeshift canoe in the hope of acquiring at least one nuclear weapon. Raul Castro – who is also the owner of a reputable hair salon in London – deflected accusations of aiding and abetting international terrorism by unveiling radical plans to drill for oil in China’s Fujian and Zhejiang provinces. This has already resulted in a sudden drop in fuel costs in the Philippines and sparked riots in the Congo, India and Texas, according to the Jordanian media. Torrential rain will cover much of the British Isles tomorrow and a tornado from outer space is expected to devastate Glasgow. Experts say global warming is to blame but this is disputed by a spokesman for the Queen, who is still in mourning following the assassination of her husband by left-wing elements in Washington DC and is no mood to consider the rights and wrongs of British subjects being drowned in their own sewage. Updates on all these stories can be found on our website.

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